Sunday, 7 June 2009

Annotations II: Your Rights as defined under EU Law...

Yes friends and well-wishers, I have returned to humourously annotate something else!

This time, we explore Your rights in Europe!

1) The right to life.

Goes without saying. You deserve to live, whoever you are. Next!

2) Freedom from torture and degrading treatment.

Again, What can I say? You deserve to not be tortured, or degraded. Step away from the whips and chains, You FREAK!

3) Freedom from slavery and forced labour

Although if disapproving types from "Tunbridge Wells" had their way, there'd be a certain subsection of society suddenly deprived of this freedom...

4) The right to liberty.

Too big a concept. NEXT!

5) The right to a fair trial.

Because Innocent until proven Guilty still works for me.

First 5, So far, so dull. Onward!

6) The right not to be punished for something that wasn’t a crime when you did it.

For example, Legalise "Da 'erb" today, and even if they re-criminalise it later, you can smoke away while it's legal. Or another example, fill yer boots with Pirate MP3s while the law's fuzzy on it, and they can't touch ya for havin' em once there's a position. Now get busy!

7) The right to respect for private and family life.

Yeah, Don't diss my family, man! Dey gonna bus' u up! ;P

8) Freedom of thought, conscience and religion, and freedom to express your beliefs.

You can say what you want, But I don't have to like it!

9) Freedom of expression.

I'm guessing this means art. W00t for naked Lesbians painted in rainbow swirls, Late night on Channel 4! (ah, the 80s...)

10) Freedom of assembly and association.

The right to Protest! Down with Trousers! Up with Miniskirts! No to Mondays! Ban the Banana! C64 Forever!

...oops, I've gone too far. NEXT!

10) The right to marry and to start a family.

Poignant one, this. Them Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender folks, see, they don't exactly have this right, even in Modern Britain. Oh sure, there's Civil Unions and what-have-you, but it ain't exactly the thing, now is it?

Or is it?

Hmm, Pretty uncontroversial, at least until the last one. Pretty boring too. Onward!

11) the right not to be discriminated against in respect of these rights and freedoms.

I *am* used to it, stop waving it about like it was the new fashion! Just let me know if you're GLBT/ethnically-sourced before I go off and say something silly. Oh, and I do other accents, and I am quite good at them, please try not to be offended.

12) The right to peaceful enjoyment of your property.

Like, you can get some ignorants nicked for Hassling you while you're reading Watchmen on a park bench. Fun stuff! :)

13) The right to an education.

So pay attention! Sure, Handwriting ain't a whole bunch these days, but still, Reading's important. Learning to use big words is always fun too! And the Maths thing, numbers and the like. Underrated if you ask me.

Plus of course, SCIENCE! Saviour of the future (Shut it creationists), shining (if occasionally slightly shambolic) paragon of reason, Science needs to be taught less dull. Anyway, Next!

14) The right to participate in free elections.

You vote for 'em, you elect 'em, you don't complain when they turn out to be as bad as the other lot! Or if they actually manage to make things better, you can bask in the pride of knowing you voted for them.

15) The right not to be subjected to the death penalty.

Seems fair in light of miscarriages of justice, and crazy in light of a serial Killer being caught. But really, it's just a cover-ya-butt for the Justice systems.

And there we shall have it. Not as funny as the Annotated "Rape List", but heartfelt at least. Tune in some time soon, when I sing some numbers above zero (Disclaimer: May not occur)

DISCLAIMER: No offence is meant towards the good and free-thinking people of Tunbridge Wells.

No comments: